I know Monday’s can be hard work and they tend to be the shittest day of the week (well for those of you that hate your job, not meee) I love Mondays!
But anyways I thought I might share a few little experience I’ve had over my last few years of modelling, things I think might just brighten up your day, at my misfortune 😉 hope you enjoy.
A few years ago I had a home shoot, now for me a home shoot can be a little dangerous, you don’t know who might be coming into your home, their intentions etc. I only ever book home shoots from vetted portfolio sites but occasionally some of the odd ones still manage to get through the system, only very occasionally. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all ” a bed of Roses” for togs either, just as I don’t know them, they don’t know me! They don’t know who I have in the house or who might turn up, its just as unsafe for them. ( I always make sure someone knows I am working but is not in the house as I personally think its unprofessional to have people wondering around)
Well anyways this one particular sunny day I had been booked for a Vintage Hotel shoot. He arrived to pick me up mid-thirties, attractive *alarm bell one* BUT at the last minute he changed the plans he couldn’t get the room he wanted *alarm bell two* why hadn’t he already booked it already? Nowhere else was available at such short notice. He suggested we shoot at his home *alarm bell three* After meeting him, I thought… why not, seems nice enough, the house way available and we had a shoot plan ready to go! I thought….
So we get in and sit for a cup of tea to discuss some ideas, we were supposed to be shooting some vintage fashion, he said as we couldn’t get the hotel lets try a different shoot plan, lets do some glamour nude instead *what alarm bell am I on now* He pops to the car and grabs some props hes brought with him. A high vise and a hard hat *oh Jodie, Jodie Jodie*
He suggests we start in the front room and I pick the outfit. I went to my go to clothes, a silky white dress, with lace embroidery down the front, something classy but sexy, great for glamour nude! We start chatting whilst working. Talking about my job / his job. He tells me how he works for a building company ( hence the hard hat) and how he spends most of his time in the office with the admin team so hes used to the woman chit chat oh and how they all call him “hung”
Jodie being Jodie ” why do they call you hung?”
Him “because my dick is huge….” * the bell is on a constant ring*
Me *blankly stares at him until he clicks the shutter on the camera*
Now this is where I should have called it quits, but I thought, give him the benefit of the doubt, hes been fine up till now hes just having a laugh…. WELL FUCK MY LIFE….
He then asks if we can shoot a little boudoir and move upstairs, what can I say… at this point after a little more conversation and a few more comments I wasn’t overly pleased about I should have left at this point. I should have! BUT here comes there bomb, I was in another country and this was the last shoot of the week before he was dropping me to the airport to go home! I was kinda stuck, I didn’t even have a taxi number!
A few years ago I wasn’t as confident and as forward as I am now, I wasn’t really too sure what to do in all honesty, had this sort of thing crop up now, they would be put in their place very quickly!
So anyways we head up to his room where he asks me to put on this fucking hard hat and high vise, I’m looking like a cunt at this point, but I’m thinking ” I got this, I can glam this up, go all glamour on this outfit, you got this” Mate, I still looked like a fucking cunt no matter how much I sugar coated it.
We’re shooting this outfit on the bed, he asks me to pull a few different poses and then suggests I “ride” his pillow (his words)
“no mate, no”
I tried to make it a little cute and sweet but gave up and said nope, I’m not comfortable… ok so he changes the plan.
He sits at the head of the bed and asks me to pose as if I’m crawling up the bed, granted, he had quite a big bed, but not THAT big, he sat open legged and asked me to crawl up.
“erm, I’m not crawling”
“well just stay there but pretend”
*she stares blankly*
It goes on like this, more awkward suggestions, more sexually fueled comments, oh my god just get me out of here!
I finally get to the point that I tell him I needed to get to the airport early as I didn’t want to be rushing because I had no clue where I was. he was fine about this.
He jumped up off the bed and I started to pack my things away, he stands on the other side of the bed to me and were chatting. Out of the blue he says
“do you mind if I have a quick wank”
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING
So I laughed and said “yeah sure why no ha” and then I looked up and he starts to pull down his trousers
“oh my god, no! I was joking! don’t”
to which he asks me:
“are you joking? I cant wank?” ~
WTF! WTF! WTF!
Where the hell did I find this man! WTF!
He then disappeared off to the toilet for a good few minutes before he comes out, looking suspiciously calmer and ready to drop me at the airport…..
So yeah basically I met a wanker….
And if that didn’t make you smile just a little I hope this does: