My non- existent love life

I get this question a lot “why are you still single/ How are you still single”
My honest answer to this is: I cant find someone who I am physically and mentally attracted to. Simple as that.
I either find someone who’s mind I absolutely love but the thought of their penis going anyways near me makes me do this :
Family-Guy-Puke-A-Thon-family-guy.giforrrrr I have this problem:0514e2e60ac2621824984d571b19dfdebffd12-wm
There is absolutely no in-between for me. Well I’ve not found it  yet anyways, well, she says….
Last year I venture to Ibiza for the summer with my best friend. It was an experience I will never forget.
My last week there I matched on Tinder, yes,yes alright, alright I only use it to see who’s in the area… I matched on Tinder with this absolute hottie, I actually assumed his profile was fake,ummed and arred about swiping right or left. Swiping right I didn’t think much would come from it ” you matched” hmm? well that’s interesting. Being an absolute recluse I so totally am… I shut the app and got on with my evening of drinking and partying.
That evening he messages me with ” wow Jodie…I’m trying to work out if you’re real or not?? if you are, you’re absolutely beautiful”
Now you remember that type of guy I told you about earlier? “the guys with abs like washboards and the ones who’s eye colour you cant remember for the life for you but you can describe every mole , freckle, every snail trail hair that points in different directions from that V place to their bellybutton”

That guy, well he is that guy. After a few messages back and forth, he actually got more and more interesting. I enjoyed speaking to him, there was always something to chat about, I had a lot of time for him, unfortunately he didn’t live anywhere near me about 5000miles away actually…  anyways  long story cut short again, he came over to England, we met up, we fucked (average) clearly I expected more from him as a person, well anyways a few weeks later we’re dirty talking, sending a few home made videos to each-other and just being damn right filthy tbh, that afternoon he’s facebook official in a relationship… ekkkkk! What a prick! Now first thing that pops in my head is, why is it always the hot ones? This is where you judge me, did I stop texting him? Did I fuuuuccckkkk… we carried on texting, we carried on the dirty talk, the pictures, the videos. Yup I hold my hands up, I shouldn’t text him but hey I’m single, and he has them V things…
Second hottie: known him a while, met when he had a girlfriend, never hooked up just chatted ( filthy) mostly through the wonderful app Snapchat! Another guy who’s eye colour I honestly couldn’t tell you. So recently after he became single we rekindled. So he knows I have no interest in dating atm, hes’ pretty honest, told me he was kinda dating his ex again etc, but well basically we haven’t stopped the rekindling. Yup again, I’m in the wrong there… I’m not even going to justify myself.  Pros and cons right *blush*
Both of these guys, fairly young, late twenties, that’s probably why their bodies are mind blowing.
The guy, he’s a little older!

I met this gent back in August and here’s the banger I met him on my web-camming site *hides face* whenever I say this I see peoples eyes roll and that disappointing shake to their head, I know, trust me I know. He goes onto what’s realistically a porn site and chats to girls, us innocent, unknowing girls… you don’t see where I’m going with this yet do you? don’t worry you will…! Hes gotta be fucked up right? Well yes of course he is, in his own way, arnt we all. Never been married, had a few long term relationships spent the majority of his life hustling, grating and travelling. Not bad looking either, I mean he’s no Beck’s but he’s a god looking older man, which again leads me to the question, why the fuck is he on a porn site? whats even more odd is, hell never “spy” on a private show, he’ll never watch when I’m stripping off in my cam-room ( I know because I watch his cam- yes I’m a pervert)  He’s like a complete gent on a porn site… The first time I asked him why he doesn’t spy/ watch etc he’s response was ” because it’ll ruin it for me when I see it first hand princess” you’re probably thinking pervert, blah blah blah.

I personally thought he was a cocky confident cunt, at the same time changing my knickers from the instant juiciness he just bestowed in my knickers. After months of camming with him, long phone calls, talking about the world, travel, life, everything, I eventually invited him over to help me build my vanity table- absolutely no pun intended, I needed help putting together a table. He came over and  was a complete gent, fixed my table and also a knot in my back, again no pun. He got his thumbs right in there, sorting out my knots haha! no no honestly.
Next night he comes over and this night wasn’t so innocent, 4 hours of a tantric massage he’d learned the art of whilst travelling, driving me crazy with his mind,his hands, and eventually his body. This hasn’t ever really stopped. Just a few simple words from him and he drives me crazy, there has to be something wrong with him right? I’ll keep you updated on that.
I’m  not really sure of my point here, but I guess what I’m saying is why the fuck is it is that the young hot guys of this generation are ab-tastic but boring as fuck or cant keep their willies to themselves?

SO to recap I guess the reason I’m still single is because I want someone who has their shit together, who I find physically attractive, who’s mind I cant ever get bored of, who’s stories I could listen to forever, who’s taller than me, with broad shoulder, a toned body, dark eyes, sexually stimulating, calls me princess, treats me like a princess, so on and so fourth. Looks like I’ll be single forever.



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